That's why they call them doctors

A friend of mine, Dr. David, who went through the trouble of earning his doctorate at an accredited university suggested that instead of sending money off to a degree mill that I create my own 'university' and have my 'university' award degrees. See, that's why those guys teach the classes.
Dr. Dave even was helpful enough to suggest Google image searching for a nice looking diploma and then just photoshopping a few words in.
I would like to announce the future Praestrigian University. It will be the Harvard of the Internet as proclaimed by me. I will use Praestrigian University to award myself advanced degrees and titles.
I'm even thinking about awarding myself impressive sounding titles within the University.
Look at that. I now declare me to be the Chancellor, Poet Laureate, and Assistant Janitor of Praestrigian University. Hooray for me.
So now, instead of saying "I didn't send $35 away to some degree mill to be called doctor.", I will say "I didn't go through the trouble of fabricating a fake online university and awarding myself a doctorate in something absurd just to be called mister by the likes of you!"
Very nice. I have found a way to be obnoxious and arrogant.
Have a good week.